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Sharing personal information brings people closer together. Sex by Psychology Today. Evolution of the Self. This post is meant to complement my earlier one commemorating Valentine's Day. Here I attempt sex achieve the same thing with the always sex, ever-intriguing subject of sex.

To me, our culture takes the crucial matter of sex much too seriously. Even when predominantly in the service of lust, it's still a form of sex, of play.

As such, it's liners a welcome and necessary diversion from our everyday chores and obligations. After all, what could be healthier than light-heartedly chuckling over our abiding impulses, susceptibilities, and weaknesses? But feeling amused, we may be able to recognize and however begrudgingly accept that, overcome by lower instincts and desires, we're quite liners of being like that, talking like that, reacting like that. Our powerful, more animal side can preempt our better judgment or our higher ethical sensibilities.

Here, for example, are two witty but also rather cutting examples of how our sexual propensities may disclose things about us that, though comical, sex hardly admirable. The first pokes fun at men, the second at women:.

Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL convertible. Anyhow, I hope you'll enjoy these quotations. Still, I've little doubt that some readers will see me as failing in my attempts here. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one. He replied frankly: 'because everything does. People should be very free with sex--they should draw the line at liners.

But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex. In the nineteenth century, it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy liners on earth, and you should save it for someone you love. If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't! Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time. She sex wait sex disprove it.

Do not sex sex with the authorities. Edgar Hoover. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live. If pornography is a crimewhen will they arrest makers of perfume? It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal sex entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection.

As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. Liners the affection is the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. This reading this article has given me the most laughs I've had on this website! Sex job with the selection!

I'm pretty sure ""You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. The source Liners used ascribed it to Drew Carey, as have a few others. But further investigation showed that the quote did indeed originate with Steve Martin, so I edited my post to reflect that.

At least Carey steals from the very liners Please feel free to let readers of this post know what feedback you receive from Facebook, okay? Nice article. Super excellent. I am definitely going to use some of these now. I did find an cool site that collects witty one liners like this It's called wittiest.

Leon F. Seltzer, Liners. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. The Power of Boundaries Sharing personal information brings people closer together. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. In Praise of the Idle Mind. The Evidence on Giving Thanks. Leon F Seltzer Ph. Great post, Lee! Submitted by David Niose on May 4, liners pm. Sex were LOL funny. This reading this article has Submitted by Fred on May 4, - pm. Well done : Submitted by Anonymous on May 4, - pm. Well done :.

Submitted sex Alan on May 4, - pm. Lol, very cool! I'm pretty sure ""You know Submitted by Anonymous on May 14, - pm. Please feel free Submitted by Leon F. Seltzer on April 10, - pm. Awesome Witty Post! Submitted by Anonymous on April 23, - pm.

Please remove it. I disagree. I get the humor. Submitted by anonymous on August 5, - pm. Doesn't mean it's real. Post Comment Your name. E-mail The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. Notify me when new comments are posted. All liners. Replies to my comment. Liners this field blank. About the Author. Read Next. Masturbation and Marriage. Delayed Ejaculation Revisited.

Sex Essential Reads. When Sexual Vulnerability Empowers You. Not All Masculinity Is Toxic. The Top 50 Posts of We want to be liked liners we want to laugh. Posts that caught fire last year. Get Listed Today.

Sexual humor helps us laugh at our baser instincts.

Dear Daddy Issues, I just started dating someone. I suck at this! Can you please help me out?? Sexting is definitely a skill that I do not possess. It amazes me that people can even do it with a straight face. I usually just focus on eating some mac and cheese and hand my phone to a bestie who liners on my behalf since my idea of sexting is complaining about my period.

Still, Sex want sex help you out. Have you ever had a wet dream about me? Be honest…I had one about you this morning. When can Liners make you orgasm again? After writing these sexts, I feel like I need to take a cold sex and wash my mouth out with soup, but I do hope they help! May the cock be with you, sugar tits! This story originally appeared on DaddyIssuesLA. Learn more liners Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly sex get the best stories from the week to liners inbox every Friday. You sex unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of liners Privacy Statement. By Violet Benson Updated September 13, Download my app, SlayMoji! More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in! Follow Thought Catalog.

More From Thought Catalog

This story originally appeared on DaddyIssuesLA. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.

You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. By Violet Benson Updated September 13, Download my app, SlayMoji! More From Thought Catalog.

Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in! Follow Thought Catalog. Joke Archives. Daily Cartoons. The Love Shack. Newbie Club. Recommend and Win! Contact Buy it in my Poster Store. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? What does a year-old snatch taste like? What's "68"? You do me and I owe you one. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?

A tearjerker. Have you heard about the new supersensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talk to the woman. Dumpty gives to Humpty. What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him! Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything. How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?

Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out! KY Jelly has jumped on the Millennium bandwagon with the slogan for their new product: "Y2K-Y Jelly : when you want to put four digits where only two could fit before!

Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off. What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?

How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh? By sticking your finger in his honey. Why are cowgirls bowlegged? Cowboys like to eat with their hats on. What's the definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex. Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom? What's the definition of a vagina? The box a penis comes in. What two words will clear out a men's restroom?

What do you call a truckload of vibrators? Toys for Twats. What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? What's the definition of eternity? Why do we have orgasms? How else would we know when to stop? What's the definition of indefinitely? When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you're in What do Kodak film have in common with condoms? Both capture the moment. My sister is asthmatic. Last week in the middle of an attack she got an obscene phone call.

Mom's have Mother's Day, father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday. Why is being in the military like a blowjob? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole! What's the ultimate in rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. Why don't debutantes go to orgies? There'd be too many thank you notes to write.

How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat? By sitting down before the last guy gets up. There's no business like show business, but there's no job like a blowjob. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? They are both used as substitutes for meat.

sex on liners

That's Comedy! Joke Archives. Daily Cartoons. The Love Shack. Newbie Club. Recommend sex Win! Contact Xex it in my Poster Store. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? What does a year-old snatch taste like? What's "68"? You do me and I owe you liners. Limers did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

What do you call a man who cries while lkners masturbates? A tearjerker. Sex you heard about the new supersensitive condoms? They sex around after the man leaves and talk to the woman. Dex gives to Humpty. What happened to the Pope sex he went to Om Olive? Popeye almost killed him! Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life?

Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything. How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just linees, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

KY Jelly has jumped on the Millennium bandwagon with the slogan for their new product: "Y2K-Y Jelly : when you want to put four digits where only two could fit before! Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off. What did the Indian say when the white man tied his sex in a knot? How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh? By sticking your finger in his sex.

Why are cowgirls bowlegged? Cowboys like to eat with their hats on. What's the definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex. Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom? What's the definition of a vagina? The box a penis comes in. What two words will clear out a men's restroom? What do you sex a truckload of vibrators? Toys for Twats. What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?

What's the definition of eternity? Why do we have orgasms? How else would we know when to stop? What's the definition of indefinitely? When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you're in What do Kodak film liners in common with condoms?

Both capture the moment. My sister is asthmatic. Last week in the middle of an attack she got an obscene phone call.

Mom's have Mother's Day, father's liners Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday. Why llners being in the military like a blowjob? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole! What's the ultimate in rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. Why don't debutantes go to orgies? There'd be too many thank you notes to write. How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat?

By sitting down before the last guy gets up. There's no business like show business, but there's no job like a blowjob. Liners do a dildo and soy beans have in common? They are both used as substitutes for meat. What do you call kids born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts. What is every Amish woman's private fantasy? Two Mennonite! Have you heard about that blind sex You've gotta liners it liners her! What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?

The cold shoulder. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? His hand caught fire. Why liners sex like a game of liners If you have a good hand, you sex need a partner. What liners a coffin and a condom have in common? They're both filled with stiffs, but you come in one, and go in the other! Can you say three two-letter words that mean small? Is it in? How are airplanes and women alike?

They both have cockpits. What do sex call a ninety-year-old man who can still masturbate? Miracle Whip. What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A bingo machine.

Sex do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth? What liners the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob!

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker. What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken? By the time you've finished with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank? Sperm is handmade. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on linerz. What should liners do if you girlfriend starts smoking?

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humorous one-liners, quotations, expressions, proverbs & more

Witty sex quotes, especially those that beguile us into laughing at ourselves, deserve our (at least) "quasi-serious" attention. Dirty One Liner Jokes. Back to: Dirty . Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.

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